To Love a Soldier
Everyday there are stories in the media about our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our thoughts focus on them and what they’re experiencing. But we seldom look beyond the camo to consider the spouses and families back home, waiting with pride and trepidation.
My daughter-in-law and grandchildren fit into that group. And it was my daughter-in-law who stumbled upon the blog entitled “To Love a Soldier.” It is the very creative work of the wife on a soldier, now living through her husband’s second deployment.
Reading through the posts is very moving, but just as moving are the responses of all those who, like my daughter-in-law, have found strength in the knowledge that they’re not alone in their feelings, frustrations and longings. They are a very courageous group who deserve our attention and prayers. Regardless of where their loved ones are serving, let’s celebrate their courage by thanking them for their service as well.
Ice
I had a 2001 Toyota Tundra pick up. She was black. She was slick. Her name was Eleanor.
I owned Eleanor 5 years before I made my December 2008 cross country move to Michigan. In all that time she had been on lots of trips throughout the southwest, but never into weather below freezing. So imagine my surprise when I hit the 32 degree mark (somewhere in Missouri), looked in my rear view mirror, and saw the word “Ice” glowing from the corner. It was a feature of the truck I didn’t know existed – that of notifying the driver that it was bloody cold outside – as Eleanor and I had never been in below freezing temps together.
Hmmm … what interesting features are lurking around our chassies … things we’re totally unaware of until occasions arise that draw them forth? True, some may be qualities we’d prefer not to recognize, but like Eleanor, I’ll be you’ve got some goodies that would surprise and delight you!
My Eleanor is gone now. But I don’t think the lessons she taught me will never go out of warranty.
A New Beginning
I am, as I write this, receiving my last chemo treatment. And I am amazed at the person I am today as compared to who I was exactly 7 months ago. I am certainly more versed on all things breast cancer and have met unbelievable care givers (that’s Sailor, my chemo nurse, in the photo below). But there’s so much more.
I look around me at least once a day and think how glad I am to be alive. Without sounding like the proverbial Pollyanna, I love the rain and the sun. I love the hot and the cold. I love the flowers and the brightly colored leaves. The seasonal changes I have witnessed through this saga have mirrored the wisdom I’ve gained, taking me from a spring neophyte to an autumal wise woman.
I am incredibly greatful that my body was so strong at my diagnosis. It carried me down this road with ease (making thousands of crunches and very few french fries worth it!).
I have been humbled by the flowers, cards, calls, love and prayers I’ve received. Makes me realize that when others are cheering for you, you really do succeed more easily.
I am convinced this saga has strengthened the love my husband and I have for one another. While some might have felt pity for him being forced into a drama he hadn’t signed up for, it has allowed my extended family to view first hand how deep his love is for me.
I am once again moved by the love of my children (both the biological and those I’m newly-blessed with), who lifted my spirits with visits, phone calls, flowers and lots of laughter.
Finally, and maybe most poignantly, I am greatful for having had the opportunity to face this kind of adversity. It’s easy for us to look at those who suffer and mumble (with good intention), “I understand.” I really DO get it now. I have seen those far sicker than I am, and believe with all my heart there is purpose to everything, even cancer.
The take away lessons: never forget your blessings, never give up without a fight, never forgo holding out a hand to those less fortunate. And as an experience such as this teaches, there are always those whose life is less fortunate than yours.
It’s October 31, and we all know what that means ….
Yes, it’s Halloween. But it’s also the last day of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And it’s probably the most important day of the whole month. From October 1 – 30, every media outlet, store front, and sports team lives and breathes the breast cancer theme. But come today, October 31, the holiday season kicks in and we forget about the previous 30 day barage of information.
There is a group of courageous women in Gilbert, AZ, however, who aim to make that story have a 
different ending. The Gilbert High School cheerleaders are raising money for breast cancer research by selling tee-shirts with the slogan, “Feel for lumps; save your bumps.” Thus far, they have collected more than $5,000. Sadly, the story is not yet heading toward happily ever after.
Members of the school administration feel the shirts are in poor taste. Some in the community agree, including the president of Family Watch, who stated that the slogan “is unacceptably suggestive.” The goal of Family Watch is “to protect the institution of family as the fundamental unit of society.”
So I guess we protect the family by ignoring that mothers are women … with breasts … that sometimes harbor cancerous cells. Now if I hadn’t felt for lumps 7 months ago, I’d be in a very different spot right now. Probably not dead yet, but with a very poor pronosis.
I did my part – I bought a $15 tee shirt and plan to wear it a lot to remind women (and the men who love them) that breast cancer awareness isn’t just a month. I challenge you to do the same. Read more about the cheerleaders and their very courageous booster club president at http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/breastcancer/story/2011-10-26/Ariz-cheerleaders-breast-cancer-T-shirt-splits-community/50927602/1.
Women are the Key
The African continent has 24 of the world’s 25 poorest countries. It is home to 75% of the world’s poor. The continent’s recent history is riddled with stories of mass rapes, civil wars and genocides. And yet miracles of women’s courage are happening there. 
I am in San Francisco, having just attended the annual conference of Opportunity International. This 40 year old, non-profit organization has pioneered new concepts in microloans (business loans averaging $145). And from Uganda to Malawi, Tanzania to Mozambique, Kenya to the Democratic Republic of Congo, more than 80% of Opportunity’s loan clients are women. They start or build businesses with their loans. They use their earnings to feed and educate their children. They are changing their communities and they are breaking the chain of generations of poverty.
Most amazingly, these women are using decidedly feminine characteristics of courage – collaboration, inclusion, altruism – in the face of overwhelming odds. More stories to come, more info about Opportunity International at http://www.opportunity.org
Women, War & Peace
If ever there was a television event combining women and courage, it would be this one. “Women, War & Peace” is a five part PBS television series challenging the conventional wisdom that war and peace are men’s domain. As women, we know, of course, that we are very capable of fighting to the death for a cause we believe in. With depth and complexity, the series places women at the center of an urgent dialogue about conflict and security, and reframing our understanding of modern warfare.
But as I have learned from the dozens of veterans I have interviewed for my first two book as well as the one I’m currently working on, being courageous in war does not only mean taking up a weapon or inflicting pain on one’s enemy. Sometimes the most courageous thing one can do is not fight and make war, but talk and make peace.
Never mind that this project has been supported by Hollywood heavies, never mind that the list of donors for the program reads like a who’s who among the wealthy, what’s important is that since modern warfare has changed so drastically, our approach must also. Who better to invite to the table than more than half the world’s population.
Read more at http://www.pbs.org/wnet/women-war-and-peace.
Ready for a new chapter …
The chemo journey was long this summer, but I have graduated from the tough stuff to what I’m calling “chemo light.” 5 more rounds to go and we’ll close this chapter and move on to the next! Thanks again for all the prayers and good wishes that carried me through.
And speaking of a new chapter, one is about to begin for women in Saudia Arabia. In a country where women are not allowed to travel or drive cars without permission, King Abdullah has decreed that they will be able to vote and run in local elections beginning in 2015. As astounding a move forward as this is, it’s still a frustration to many Saudi women.
“Why not tomorrow?” asked prominent Saudi feminist Wajeha al-Hawaidar. “… we are still pondering how to meet simple women’s rights.”
There are many courageous female voices crying to be heard around the world. I believe it is the duty of those of us in the first world to reach out to the women in the third world in any way we can. Read, write, speak, donate time and money – even those gestures we would consider small in America can be HUGE to those with fewer freedoms.
It will challenge your courage. And it will strengthen it. Here are a few websites to get you started:
http://www.englishpen.org/writersinprison/writersinexile/wajehaalhuwaider
http://www.womendeliver.org/knowledge-center/publications/women-deliver-100/women-deliver-100-26-50/
Get ready … get set …
… go! Ever face something down with trepidation? Of course you have – we all have. My father always said that it was best to suck it up and get on with it, ’cause then it would be over sooner. This was usually said with a great deal of panache and a mahanttan in his hand.
So here I am, with surgery a breeze and now facing the dreaded chemo to start on Tuesday. Five months worth. Will my hair come out? Yup. Am I gonna be sick? Yup. In fact the side effects include everything but festering maggots escaping from my ears. Bottom line, there’s a lot about 
this I dread.
But then I think of all other people facing BIG EVENTS. Imagine what the guys about to land on the Normandy beaches felt just before they arrived. Imagine what the Black students felt as they prepared to register at the University of Alabama in 1963. Imagine how those undergoing experimental, life-saving surgery felt just as they drifted off in the OR. Did they want to get on with it so they could be done with it?
Maybe so. And what awaits me isn’t nearly of the magnitude of those events. So here’s the deal, Dad. I’m gonna suck it up and get on with it. And I’ll have a manhattan this weekend in your honor
And the winner is …
How wonderful it feels to write that my surgery is now one week in my rear view mirror and my pathology reports were very positive. No cancer in lymph nodes, clean margins, and very little discomfort! 
Because I had Triple Negative Breast Cancer, I will most probably have chemo, but more on that in the coming weeks.
I am, however, suffering from a semantics confusion. Those of us with cancer are said to “fight” our disease. We “battle” it with surgery, radiation and chemo. And the dictionary defines a fight this way: “To strive vigorously and resolutely; to contend with physically or in battle.” It’s sort of the same as the Army fighting an enemy, or your favorite team fighting to win the game.
Here’s the problem – if you win a battle or win a game, you’re called a winner (defined as achieving success in an effort or venture; finishing first in a competition). But if you defeat cancer, you’re called a survivor. That’s not a very satisfying handle to me. So I’m summoning my courage to change the vernacular. I will not only be a cancer survivor, I will be a cancer winner! I think that’s a much better title – how about you?
Hope Chest
There is a wonderful organization in Minneapolis I became familiar with several years ago when looking for a place to donate my deceased uncle’s belongings. Hope Chest is the brain child of Barbara Hensley whose two sisters both died of breast cancer.
As she sat with her sisters going through chemo, Barbara became acquainted with other women there for whom cancer was only the tip of their trauma iceberg. They had financial worries as well, medical bills and no more sick time to offset their income.
Barbara’s Hope Chest raises money for women who need financial support while undergoing treatment. Read more about her and her amazing organization at www.hopechest.us.
And HOPE is what it’s all about for me as I begin my treatment tomorrow. Surgery is set for noon, EST, and I HOPE it goes well. But more than that, I HOPE that this life event brings with it more than just worry. I HOPE it teaches me about courage and compassion and how healing the love of others is. Thank you all for your thoughts, messages and prayers. I’ll be in touch in my new form soon!
